For many years I had my reservations about coaching. Previously I moved more in the field of therapists, healing, education. In conversations with some acquaintances who are coaches, in initial training sessions that I took to explore if it was a possible course of action for me, and even in exploratory sessions as a client, I felt that from the coaching point of view the human being was reduced to a person who sets goals and meets goals. I felt the conversations as a prepared speech, an almost fictitious talks following a predetermined script, and often even in a rush, which disconnected me instantly. I perceived facades more than deep and true conversations and connections. Everything seemed pathetically scripted with motivational speeches with a certain eagerness to make their clients ‘successful’. I was quite critical, because I felt that these models and ways of coaching reduced the human being simply to someone who creates and meets goals. As if it were a profession created to promote the false or incomplete identification that you are your achievements. Practices based very much on the personal realm without taking into account the transpersonal realm of the human being.
In those trainings or conversations my inner voice told me that the Human Being is not only defined by the goals that are set and the goals that are met. Meeting goals is also important, yes. Celebrating them too. But we are more than that. In fact, many times not meeting a goal is also a great learning experience and that does not make you more or less. I think that the path taken, what happens in that walk, is more important than reaching or not the goal. The goal is only an excuse to move, to know, to learn, to enjoy or not to enjoy; and during that walk you are transformed and you recognize your humanity, including the possibility of ‘failure’, of getting lost, of feeling vulnerable instead of a winner, of staying halfway, giving up or turning in another direction. And nothing happens! It is neither good nor bad, it is part of the path of your humanity, and it can be the greatest blessing, if you are convinced that life knows more and has its deep purposes.
Additionally, there are many other motivators than goals; there is, for example, inspiration, love, which invite us to start without knowing where we will end up, trusting that the path will be revealed at each step guided by an inner spark in which we trust, and many times we vibrate intensely regardless of the results. I have known coaching models that almost blame the client for ‘not being able’. You are not worth it only for the goals you have achieved, you are worth it for what you are, and what you are is not only your achievements. We are mounted in a society that promotes this false identification.
How many times does it also happen to us that we set goals that we believe are very important and once we achieve them, we feel that they did not really mean that much? For this reason, it seemed a little strange to me to dedicate myself to a profession that was based, above all, on supporting others to achieve goals; Well, that was what I had known about coaching up to that point. Having that said, and respecting the work of my colleagues that are coaches, (I believe there are sincere intentions in their work), those were my feelings and preventions.
That is to say, for me coaching was not entirely wrong, but it was not enough, it was reductionist of what it means to be human, and depending on the school or the coach, more or less superficial and not very authentic. Until one day, in my Conscious Leadership training, I met an inspiring coach. The class was about holding conversations that are difficult for us. There, the depth of the conversations in the exercise was manifested, the humanity present, the containment of the group, the slow and spacious guidance, the authenticity of the presence, real conversations, without a script. It was a very mobilizing moment for all the participants. The impact was powerful and the internal mobilization landed in understandings, insights, liberation. It was then that I said to myself: “I want to be a coach like that.” I learned that this coach was trained in Integral Coaching and that many of his practices also have a Zen background. The background of something more holistic, more complete, personal and transcendent, practical and inspiring.
I believe the Integral Model gives a perspective of the Human Being from a complexity and depth that inspires breadth and authenticity. Years later I trained myself in that same coaching school and I also resonate with his Zen path in the sense that following a parallel practice, such as a spiritual practice, sacred tradition or inner exploration is a wonderful complement to the work of a coach or counselor (… but that is a topic for another blog).
If you are not your achievements, then what are you? I think the answer to that question is the dimension from which it is pertinent to approach the client in front of you. Seeing this being complete, in his/her broad and sacred dimension.